we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
