I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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