I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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