I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
