Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
