Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
