please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
