I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize