can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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