people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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