last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
