Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize