Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
