Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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