I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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