Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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