Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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