For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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