My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
