Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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