Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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