So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
