i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
