hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
