I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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