I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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