I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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