i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
