there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
