This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
