Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize