I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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