Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
