i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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