I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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