Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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