i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
