this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
