So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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