Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
