smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize