this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The best revenge is premature balding
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
