Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
