So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do vagina's smell?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
