hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
