She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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