hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
