i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
