is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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