I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
