before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
