im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
