Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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