I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She bit a glass in half.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
