I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
