I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
