i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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