How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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