The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
