Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
