I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
