I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
