Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
