she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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