So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
