i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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